I was talking to an old friend this morning and we had a little catching up. See, I haven’t seen her since 2002. As we progressed, I discovered that she had broken up with her boyfriend of 8 years, they were supposed to get married and was seeing this new guy for a couple of months now. Then she warmed up a little more to me and told me that this new guy wanted to marry her. After a couple of months from today that is.
She said she felt reluctant about this whirlwind romance of theirs and felt unprepared for such an early advancement in their relationship. I knew exactly what she was going to say next. The guy was the jealous type (unreasonably jealous that is), he wanted to keep her from working, delete her Facebook account, stop taking calls from other people (men especially), etc. In short, he was demanding that my friend should not have another world apart from theirs.
"He is a Sagittarius?", I asked
"Yes! How did you know?", she said in surprise
I told her a few things that I guess validated what she had already feared in the first place.
- If you are going to be with this guy, prepare to forget about your dreams, your friends and possibly your family.
- Persistence doesn’t mean you are special, it means he is troubled. It is different when you are being pursued from when you are forced into going into something.
- You have to be prepared to do everything he says or you will potentially end up being a battered wife because his behavior is controlling. A great desire for control is the root of physical, emotional, psychological and possibly even financial abuse.
What defines controlling anyway? You know when you are being controlled when another person DOES NOT ACCEPT NO for an answer. It is a form of bullying and we all know that this results in depression, frustration, angst and insecurity.
If one is not comfortable in doing or going into something (especially something major as marriage), one must learn to SAY NO and MEAN IT. If the other party senses that you don’t mean it or are not firm enough in using such a powerful word, it means that you are open for a negotiation.
So, maybe I am saying all these because I was in the same situation before with the same type of guy (thank God I actually got out before it was too late) or maybe because I know of someone who was beaten up by a husband with the same profile. Both men, Sagittarians. And believe me, you will never expect it from a guy who would kiss your feet and promise you the world, but this usually is the initial behavior of men like them so don't be fooled. He may give you diamond studded golden handcuffs from Tiffany but they are still handcuffs.
I wish this friend of mine well and I hope she makes the right decision for herself. She is very smart and strong. I can’t imagine her just moping around the whole day, throwing her entire life away and missing out on so much. She is her own woman. Happiness in being a plain housewife can definitely be achieved, given that your husband respects and gives more importance to your individuality more than his self-serving intentions. I actually thought when we were younger that she would be a bad ass lady lawyer someday.
She thanked me after our conversation and admitted that she felt like being slapped in the face. I hope somebody slaps me in the face too if I were back there. Lastly, i told her to pray on it and consult her mom about it. After all, a mother's advice would always be the greatest advice that you'll ever hear.
Disclaimer to all readers: The possibly controversial title is used by the author for purposes of capturing interest in the article and not meant to be offensive. There are very few Sagittarian men who aren't as hardcore as the three guys aforementioned but generally they are this way, just in different levels, thus the title. The best qualities of these men are enjoyed by friends or if they are with a partner that would bring out the best in them. Also, there are some men of a different Sun sign who also manifest the same controlling behavior, the indicators mentioned previously still apply.
Disclaimer to kids below 18 or with a brain that is below 18: Please do not use the author’s perception of control to reason out with your parents on your bad behavior. That kind of control enforced on you is better known as discipline.
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