Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Piece of my soul: Perfection of the not so perfect

Written: July 14, 2007

"Love isn’t a decision, it’s a feeling. If we could decide who to love, it would be much simpler, but much less magical" -SOUTH PARK
 
Who would have thought these guys made sense sometimes?
 
Like what I just told someone very dear to me, life is short.. I wouldn’t wanna die tomorrow and not have done the things I could have done.. That's why we have senses.. So we could breathe all the flavor in.. See that there’s a spec of yellow in that great black wall.. And hear the silly voices bickering in our mind..
 
For some of us, falling in love happens once in a lifetime.. For some of us, it doesn’t happen at all.. And for the blessed handful out of the billions of people on the face of the planet, they get to fall in love with the perfect person for them.. Maybe not too good looking, not rich, not that smart, but perfect in their eyes and spend the short lifetime together.. Lucky are they, for they chose to embrace the madness and magic..

Let’s not be afraid to fall in love with that not so perfect person and make them perfect in our eyes.. Live, love, learn.. And be happy always.. We never know when our time’s up! :o)

This is mindset was responsible for one of the greatest heartaches in my life.. Funny I'm right back here again.. 

Friday, November 19, 2010

Hmmm: Sagittarian men, the likes of them and their love for control

I was talking to an old friend this morning and we had a little catching up. See, I haven’t seen her since 2002. As we progressed, I discovered that she had broken up with her boyfriend of 8 years, they were supposed to get married and was seeing this new guy for a couple of months now. Then she warmed up a little more to me and told me that this new guy wanted to marry her. After a couple of months from today that is.

She said she felt reluctant about this whirlwind romance of theirs and felt unprepared for such an early advancement in their relationship. I knew exactly what she was going to say next. The guy was the jealous type (unreasonably jealous that is), he wanted to keep her from working, delete her Facebook account, stop taking calls from other people (men especially), etc. In short, he was demanding that my friend should not have another world apart from theirs.

"He is a Sagittarius?", I asked
"Yes! How did you know?", she said in surprise

I told her a few things that I guess validated what she had already feared in the first place. 

  • If you are going to be with this guy, prepare to forget about your dreams, your friends and possibly your family.
  • Persistence doesn’t mean you are special, it means he is troubled. It is different when you are being pursued from when you are forced into going into something.
  • You have to be prepared to do everything he says or you will potentially end up being a battered wife because his behavior is controlling. A great desire for control is the root of physical, emotional, psychological and possibly even financial abuse.
 
What defines controlling anyway? You know when you are being controlled when another person DOES NOT ACCEPT NO for an answer. It is a form of bullying and we all know that this results in depression, frustration, angst and insecurity. 

If one is not comfortable in doing or going into something (especially something major as marriage), one must learn to SAY NO and MEAN IT. If the other party senses that you don’t mean it or are not firm enough in using such a powerful word, it means that you are open for a negotiation.

So, maybe I am saying all these because I was in the same situation before with the same type of guy (thank God I actually got out before it was too late) or maybe because I know of someone who was beaten up by a husband with the same profile. Both men, Sagittarians. And believe me, you will never expect it from a guy who would kiss your feet and promise you the world, but this usually is the initial behavior of men like them so don't be fooled. He may give you diamond studded golden handcuffs from Tiffany but they are still handcuffs.

I wish this friend of mine well and I hope she makes the right decision for herself. She is very smart and strong. I can’t imagine her just moping around the whole day, throwing her entire life away and missing out on so much. She is her own woman. Happiness in being a plain housewife can definitely be achieved, given that your husband respects and gives more importance to your individuality more than his self-serving intentions. I actually thought when we were younger that she would be a bad ass lady lawyer someday. 

She thanked me after our conversation and admitted that she felt like being slapped in the face. I hope somebody slaps me in the face too if I were back there. Lastly, i told her to pray on it and consult her mom about it. After all, a mother's advice would always be the greatest advice that you'll ever hear.


Disclaimer to all readers: The possibly controversial title is used by the author for purposes of capturing interest in the article and not meant to be offensive. There are very few Sagittarian men who aren't as hardcore as the three guys aforementioned but generally they are this way, just in different levels, thus the title. The best qualities of these men are enjoyed by friends or if they are with a partner that would bring out the best in them. Also, there are some men of a different Sun sign who also manifest the same controlling behavior, the indicators mentioned previously still apply.

Disclaimer to kids below 18 or with a brain that is below 18: Please do not use the author’s perception of control to reason out with your parents on your bad behavior. That kind of control enforced on you is better known as discipline.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Hmmm: The Capricorn Woman

I will be kinda easy to figure me out once you have immersed in this article. Read away to understand the inner workings of my being.

So she got up and walked about-

rather stiffly just at first,

as she was afraid that the crown might come off;

but she comforted herself with the thought

that there was nobody to see her,

"and if I really am a Queen," she said,

as she sat down again,

"I shall be able to manage it quite well in time."


There's no such thing as a typical Capricorn female. She can be a museum curator who wears granny glasses for real, or she can be a dancer who wears a glittering G-string for fun. You'll see her crisply running a suburban P.T.A., frying hamburgers in a coffee shop or organizing the biggest Charity Ball in the city. A Capricorn woman may decorate the society columns, smile demurely behind a political candidate husband or pour mysterious liquids in­to test tubes. But whatever she's doing and whatever she's wearing, Saturn will rule her actions and her secret aims.


She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal-a steely determination to snag the right man, who can become important, make her proud and be a good father to her children.


So many Capricorn women are career girls, you might think love and marriage would always be a second choice. With love, you have a point. With marriage, no. The thing to understand is that the Capricorn goals are security, authority, respect and position. It makes little difference if these needs are supplied in front of a blackboard as a school teacher, behind a desk as an executive, or beside an ambitious husband whose social life and home she can manage with easy grace and careful planning. One way or another, the Capricorn woman will get her recog­nition. Some of them get it by writing books, lecturing, painting or composing music. It's surprising how many Capricorns of both sexes have unusual artistic talent. Per­haps it stems from an innate sense of balance and harmony, knowing what is pleasing and what is right or correct.


This is a little delicate, but even the Saturn females you find in burlesque theaters or engaging in the world's oldest profession (there will be only a handful) will end up by marrying the top comic or the theater owner in the first instance-or the wealthiest client in a second. The goat must climb. Whether the starting position is high or low, the top of the hill is where she finds the view more satis­fying. There's nothing flashy about the Capricorn female. You'll certainly never see her loudly or obviously pushing and shoving for first place; you may even think she's docile enough to contentedly take a back seat to her competition.


Wait. See who gets the promotion.


Don't be misled into thinking she'll never sacrifice her career for marriage. Just give this girl half a chance to be a social leader and the mistress of a well-run household, and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in her job (one of the few things she'll do quickly). If you need her to, the Capricorn woman will gladly continue working to help you climb up the mountain of success, she won't be lazy. Otherwise, however, she's happier enjoying her position as your wife, provided the position is a good one, and there's enough financial security.


One of the most typical and delightful things about this woman is her natural breeding and grace of manner. You can meet a Capricorn girl who was raised in a one-room shack across the railroad tracks, or whose father works the swing shift in a coal mine, but unless she decides to reveal her background (which she probably won't), you'll be convinced she comes from an old-line family, and was turned out by one of the best finishing schools. Such is the Capricorn built-in sense of social grace and conservative, conventional appearances.
Any man who's involved in a relationship with the female goat should learn a basic fact about this Sun sign. She seems to be more even-tempered and emotionally steady than she actually is. Her manner may convince you that she's as firm as a rock and nothing can ruffle her calm surface. The truth is that she's subject to many moods. All women are subject to moods, you say, but the Capricorn girl can have some really black and long-lasting ones. If she feels mistreated or unappreciated, she'll brood for days, weeks, even months. She calls it being sensible or practical, but Saturnine gloominess, pessimism and depression are much more deeply rooted than that. They're triggered by fear of the future, worry about the present, shame over the past or a suspicion that she's being made fun of or is inadequate in some way. These women do not accept teasing lightly. Keep it at a minimum. To be honest, they find it impossible to see the joke when they're the victims. You don't have to bury her in compliments constantly (she'll sense when they're insincere, anyway), but don't kid her about important matters, and praise her often enough to make her realize you know her true value.



It's hard for her to relax in romantic situations. There's plenty of physical desire under the cool Capricorn surface, far more than most people suspect, and it's never satisfied casually. Sitting around and wasting time with breathless hugs and ecstatic kisses while the future is still hanging unsettled is definitely not her favorite hobby. Yet once she's decided you're the right man and the finances are secure or your ambition is sufficient, shell be as warm as a cuddly panda, affectionate, and even passionate. Capricorns don't believe in vague dreams that glide aimlessly through a misty, blue sky. They want to know where the ship of romance is taking them, and that it's sailing on safe waters. Build a firm foundation under your house if you plan to carry a Capricorn girl over the threshold. Make sure there's plenty of insurance and the mortgage is paid off or will be soon.

She'll probably be something of a social butterfly, ex­tremely aware of etiquette, and she'll lean toward quaint customs like engraved napkin rings and needlepoint chairs. Things must be correct and tradition must be observed at all costs. She may have an inconsistent habit of wanting to shop in the most expensive, exclusive stores, yet insisting on a bargain. She doesn't mind buying a dress that's on sale, as long as it bears the right label.


Capricorn women have a fresh beauty of their own. You'll rarely find one who's not unusually attractive. Yet they are timid and unsure about their appearance, and you may find them needing constant reassurance that they're pretty. Although Capricorn females hate dishonesty in all forms, they're not above lying about their ages. They usually get away with it, too, thanks to the odd Saturn aging twist. They look like little old ladies as children, then bloom suddenly into women who look like young girls when they're past the prime of life.

It would be a terrible mistake to snub her family. The man who marries a Capricorn girl marries her relatives. There's no point in thinking that yours is different. She's not. Somewhere along the line, you'll stop laughing at mother-in-law jokes (you may cry instead). Many times, the Saturn female is the sole support of her family, financially or morally or both. She may care for an ill parent with devotion to the point of relinquishing the idea of marriage completely. Often, she'll enjoy the sacrifice because of her honest love for her family, but even if she re­sents it, her strong sense of responsibility and duty will not permit her to escape.
 

You might as well resign yourself to flattering your mother-in-law, and hope she's a great gal who's worth it. Don't argue politics with her father, and if you must criticize her brothers and sisters, see that the criticism is constructive, and based on a sincere belief in their po­tentialities. Frequently, Capricorns find themselves bur­dened with distressed or invalid relatives, and the typical goats will never let love, however consuming it might be, cause them to neglect such obligations. You'd better start right out by planning to have a guest room or two for visiting relatives. But there's a reverse benefit. You'll have a wife who is kind and considerate toward your own fam­ily. The Capricorn girl will understand if you have to allo­cate a fixed sum to your parents each week, and she'll probably be a companion to your brothers and sisters. She's the kind of girl you take home to meet mother, and mother approves of her immediately. Since men are so contrary, such instant encouragement can cause them to back away. It's always more fun to fight objections for your lady fair. But you'll only be slicing off your nose to spite your heart, because your mother is right. The Capricorn girl, if she's a typical Saturn woman, will make an excellent wife. The home of a Capricorn woman often looks so effortlessly spotless and smooth-running you'd think there were little fairies and elves hiding in the comers, working away furiously after midnight to shine and polish and cook and clean. Wrong. The very last place you can expect to find such imaginary creatures is around a Capricorn. The Saturn practicality and faith in firm facts ordinarily pre­cludes any sympathy with the unseen. A Capricorn girl wouldn't believe in leprechauns if one sat right on the tip of her nose. In all fairness, however, although she may not be a way-out dreamer or a follower of occult mys­teries, once she has the solid facts she's able to see the romance and poetry in the most ordinary situations.


Hers is an earthy kind of beauty that can make even the gross and ugly seem lovely with sheer usefulness. She's not a stranger to the gypsy spell of the north wind, nor is she deaf to the silver song of spring showers and the call of a lonely skylark. Great music stirs her deeply, and she's an enchanted patron of almost any art form. Perhaps she has to see and touch magic to believe in it. A leprechaun would probably get much further with her if he came right out and said where that pot of gold is hidden, instead of hinting about it in fairy tales.


Most Capricorns save their rainbow thinking for history and heroic deeds of the past. Since she worships tradition, and reveres those who have overcome obstacles to gain success, it's easier for her to get sentimental over the Gettysburg address than to get enthusiastic over your latest wild scheme. Actually, she's a true romantic, with greater imagination than the scatterbrains with unreal fantasies. Every January girl has haunting poetry in her soul, but she doesn't have much sympathy for poets who starve in attics. Take care of the food and rent and then pursue the dream, whatever it may be, is the Capricorn motto. Also make sure that the dream is worth pursuing. She sees nothing glamorous or magical about failure.


You may have to share your Capricorn wife with causes. She'll be a tireless worker for the poor and the defenseless, but she may prefer to show her charity in group efforts, rather than to individuals. Saturnine sympathies are usually organized, seldom scattered. Female Capricorns are natural leaders of women's clubs.


She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. If you give her a book on child psychology, she may use it to paddle an unruly offspring and get around to reading it later. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, there may be a few barriers when the Saturn conservatism clashes with youth's liberalism. At this point, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may learn the hard way that she can't dictate their friend­ships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.


Since many Capricorn females have sensitive skin, they don't wear much make-up. Lots of them are allergic to it. But nature rewarded them with natural beauty that needs little gilding, and they'll keep it long after the roses have faded from the cheeks of other women. Some of them startle you with lovely complexions, firm features and bright eyes at the age of eighty and older.


Patiently help your Capricorn woman overcome her lack of personal confidence. She's not unimaginative just be­cause she doesn't court delusion. Try on a couple of her practical dreams for size, and you'll find they're surprisingly comfortable. Stubbornness may be one of her vices, but she's not a whiner or a nervous nag. She'll push you toward success, yet be tender and devoted. In spite of her modest, often gentle ways, she'll know just how to twist you around her little finger. There's a deep richness in her love that's more lasting than the brittle, scorching, demanding love of other women. Who says she doesn't believe in fairy tales? Only a wise Capricorn maiden could look deep into the eyes of an awkward frog and see that he's really a prince in disguise. Not only that-if you marry her, you'll never run out of clean socks.


Famous Capricorn Women: Michelle Obama, Kate Moss, Helena Christensen, Faye Dunaway, Donna Summer, Zooey Deschanel, January Jones, Mary Tyler Moore, Christy Turlington, Atoosa Rubenstein, Estella Warren, Naomi Judd, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Julia Ormond, Amanda Peet, Annie Lennox, Kate Bosworth, Diane Keaton, Faye Dunaway, Pat Benatar, Kirstie Alley, Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton, Susan Lucci, Marlene Dietrich, Gypsy Rose Lee, Joan of Arc and Jinkee Pacquiao.



Source: mizii.com and google.com

Piece of Brother Allan's Soul: She blessed his heart and he blessed the world in return

I met a seminarian in the beautiful church of Naic tonight and he told me and my friends a very interesting story.  Let’s call him Brother Allan.

He was about thirty years old and had been in the seminary for 8 years and this was his year out into the real world for a final immersion back to its lurking evils and temptations before he finally becomes a priest.  Apparently, there is such a step that one takes so he can figure out if indeed the vocation was for him. We asked him how his calling came about. He said that he used to be a nursing student in UP-PGH so he was exposed to a lot of mothers losing their children to cancer, husbands who worry on how to pay the hospital bills for their wives who just gave birth, children who are crying over their parents who are in a coma, etc. Money was the number one issue of the people in those sad wards, money to pay for the running hospital bills and money for maintenance medication.

An old woman approached him one of those days to ask for Php20. Naturally, he asked what she needed the money for. The old woman said, “I haven’t had lunch. I have to stay and watch over my granddaughter who has cancer. If you can spare me just 20 pesos because I’m really hungry.” So, he handed her the Php20 bill so she could have her lunch. That was the time Allan finally and firmly decided that he was going to be a priest (he said he had little signs sent to him when he was in high school, but the strongest calling was this) so that he can be an instrument to move others to help people like the old woman since he himself had no enough resources to hand out lunch money for each poor soul that needed it. He was just one man after all, if he had the whole Church to back him up in making the world a better place that would be something big in his mind.

He also said that the hardest challenge was breaking his girlfriend’s heart whom he had already made plans with for marriage when they turned 25. Little did he know that one fateful Sunday mass, the priest in his parish whom he had confided his decision with, announced the secret he had not been able to speak to his girlfriend about just yet. Broken-hearted and in a state of shock, she walked out of the mass, crying uncontrollably. Allan’s legs froze and he was not able to chase her with explanation at hand. She had not spoken to him for 2 weeks, avoided his calls, texts and his visits to her home. The parish priest spoke to the scorned woman and made her understand that Allan was not replacing her for another girl. He was choosing to serve God. She understood, forgave and let him go.

Allan used to be very unhappy and discontent even with all the comforts at his feet via his parents who were very supportive and were willing to send him to law school since initially he wanted to pursue med school after his nursing course. He felt depressed and incomplete. His last words before our goodbyes were this, “What I’m lying on now is not a bed of roses but I am finally happy.

There are so much men and women alike who chose, choose and will be choosing to be under God’s wing through this ‘calling’ making  the sacrifice to do without the different aspects of their lives to keep the faith alive in this world of hatred and grief. I greatly admire them for I myself cannot imagine taking all the vows that they do and living by each one. I used to think it was so easy for people like them. Now, I look at them with a totally different level of respect. Thank you Brother Allan for unselfishly sharing your lovely story and I salute you for wanting to be one of the few who decided that their one and only agenda in life is to be ambassadors of God’s amazing love.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hmmm: Body Language and Flirting

I found this very interesting article in the web and it really made me laugh. I was actually looking at something entirely different then it caught my attention. It became really interesting as I read on because I realize that subconsciously, I was guilty of these things too! And these are things that have been observed throughout history. I even remembered reading in the book, Memoirs of a Geisha, the idea of exposing a woman's inner wrists is an indication that she wants to show more. Cool right? Read on..

Body Language and Flirting
Only 7% of communication is verbal communication.
38% of it depends on our intonation, or the sound of our voice. For instance: A shaky, uneven voice may suggest that a person is shy, intimidated, or dishonest. A clear, loud voice may indicate that a person is confident.

The largest chunk of communication is body language, which takes up the remaining 55%. These statistics show that a person who knows how to control their body and voice is considered more appealing than someone who knows only a mouthful of pick-up lines and crowd pleasers.

The impression we make on others starts not when we first open our mouth, but with our posture, breathing, appearance, and movement.

Art and Science of Flirting and Body Language
The art of flirting is expressed with actions. And non-verbal communication is more important than words. Although flirting signals are rarely noticed consciously -- the message is always sent across.

This artful dance makes possible for strangers to become comfortable with each other, even at their first exchange of words. People become at ease with others when they find the other person pleasant. People appear pleasant as a result of showing interest in others...

Eye Contact and Triangulation
Our actions (body language) reflects our interest in various ways. In general, these actions manifest by instinct when we are facing people that we admire. For example, in intimate conversation, people usually look at each other's eyes.

Sometimes we shift our vision from one eye to the other, and to the bridge of the nose. This is what is called the triangular formation of vision. As a person becomes more interested in another, this triangular formation extends downward. Some say that it’s rude to look at a stranger’s body, but when you really think about it, people really can’t help it when they feel attracted.

When people are talking to mere acquaintances, they simply look at their eyes, but when people are interested in someone, they tend to notice a lot more than just the eyes and the nose. Also... looking at the someone's mouth can suggest interest in kissing.

Mirroring
We can make others feel comfortable by mirroring or matching their mood. When two people enjoy similar things, they tend to move in sync with each other. This does not mean that every single move they make is exactly the same, but rather that their moods are the same.

Flirting Quickies (for our lazy readers)
Male Flirting Signals: - hands on belt or belt buckle - preening / grooming - stretching (and other actions that make him seem bigger)

Female Flirting Signals: - actions that make her appear smaller - playing with hair - exposure of neck or inner wrists

General Flirting Signals:
- eye contact - mirroring - triangulation - "accidental" touching

When a person finds something in common with another, an instinctive fondness develops between them. This same effect is replicated by mirroring. In mirroring, you need to tune in to the other person’s movements and imitate them, not mimic them. Also, these actions should not be done in the same pace as his/hers, otherwise, the person might take it instead as mockery. Generally, the mirror actions should be done after 10-20 seconds, and must be done naturally. The other purpose of the mirror actions is to show the other person that you accept and respect their views without them noticing it. In effect, he/she will subconsciously see you as an open-minded person.

Other Flirting Signals
When people are interested in the person they’re talking to, they tend to face the person more. This is also noticeable in a person’s arms and legs. When a person’s attention is completely focused on another, their legs, knees, or feet are always extended in the direction of the other person. Another common signal are the pupils of our eyes. When people like what they see, their pupils increase in size, and tend to blink more. Eyes can blink in sync when looking into the eyes of the person they like.

Male Body Language and Flirting
Aside from general body language, there are also signs specific to males and to females when they show their interest in a potential mate. When a man notices a woman he finds attractive, he may suck in his gut, flex his muscles, and other postures that cause him to appear taller and stronger.

A man shows his readiness to get involved by putting his hands on his hips, or putting his thumbs behind his belt. Most men do this to appear macho and posed, but a commonly unknown fact is that this action also highlights the genital region sending the message: “I’m virile.”

Men do other things like smoothing their hair, and fixing ties, to make them look their best. Men do these while women are watching to show their interest.

Female Body Language and Flirting
The actions of women, on the other hand, are more subtle but very sexy in the eyes of men. A woman can make a man desire her more by exposing the skin of her neck.

When a woman tosses her hair from one side to the other, the gesture appears more intentional, and is often followed by a well directed intimate gaze.

The same thing goes when a woman exposes the thin skin on her wrist. Both actions appeal to men saying, “I want to show you more.” Women can very well play with men’s minds by doing little things like wiping off their sweat, and fondling with their hair, fingers, and feet.

The most appealing sign a woman can give is to sit with one leg pressed on top of the other. This gesture makes the legs appear very well toned. A hand on the thigh completes the position and is definitely considered a call for the attention.

Whenever people show their interest, an exchange takes place. When a mutual confirmation is established, one of them then makes the first move to approach. Body language makes up a very big part in the first moments of courtship, and may determine if people become more intimate.


Friday, November 5, 2010

Piece of my soul: My mother

My mother never liked anyone I dated. Mothers are normally hard to please when it comes to the men that their daughters choose to be with. I know my mother is definitely one of the hardest to please in the whole wide world.

Exhibit A:
This boyfriend had a stable job in the same office I was working in. He was very responsible, honest, loyal, smart and good-looking too. He was not that sweet or gentlemanly but I never had problems with his fidelity.

Why did mom not like Exhibit A?
She said that he is like a dog. Yes friends, that is exactly what she compared him to. You see, he always followed me around, literally. And he did exactly what I told him to. That’s not so bad, right? But my mother said that if he just does everything my way all the time, it only means that he does not have a backbone and could be entirely dependent on me in making decisions if we get married.

Exhibit B:
This boyfriend was extremely handsome and was crazy in love with me (that particular time at least). And whenever he looks at me, I felt as if I was Aphrodite in the flesh.

Why did mom not like Exhibit B?
She said that he was illiterate and would never make for a good provider because he did not speak spectacular English. But really, what can you expect from a Greek god mortalized? I really don’t know if I should agree with her analysis. But hey, mothers know best right?

Okay, my mother only knew of two of my past relationships. LOL. So I guess I have nothing further on her disapproval of the men I date. I guess she will always find fault in every male specie that will come along because she thinks no one will ever be good enough for me. I told her I’ll just have a baby then and not have a husband. I think she strangled me in her mind.

My mother does not like alcohol. She believes it is bad practice to drink any kind of alcohol. She frowns at me every time I toast champagne with my cousins during New Year’s Eve. She thinks half a flute will make me smashed. I always tell her that I have high tolerance for alcohol but she would just give me that stare of hers that penetrates into my skin and gives me an extreme comatose-like experience.

My mother is idealistic. I did not graduate on time and she was already employed at the age of nineteen. That was for the longest time a thorn in her heart as an educator. At the time when I had not completed college yet, she felt panicky at the thought of her own children not getting a college diploma. But my mother never gave up on me and my brother. She sent us to the best schools in the country that money can afford and endured paying the tuition of our long overdue educational conclusion. She always instilled in my mind too, a different measure of success. Of course I believed otherwise so until now she still bugs me about that. I can sense that this all comes from the fears she has of leaving her children behind someday without the assurance that everything will be okay.

My mother slave drives herself. She constantly works. As if she is not already exceedingly exhausted at work, she still feels that she can do so much more that her body would allow. I always reprimand her about the repercussions of over fatigue but she just feels restless when she is not doing anything. My mom does not cook but she washes clothes. And she washes clothes well.

My mother has an almost extinct social life. She adamantly refuses to go out and get a life. She feels that it is an awful waste of money to socialize. Lately, she occasionally allows me to push her out of the door at night to go to dinner events with her friends and sometimes even purchase her airline tickets so she can go to her batch reunions in Cebu or Davao. She always surprises me though because whenever she comes home from the trips that I give her allowances for, she ends up spending it to buy things for us and not for her. You will NEVER see my mother inside a casino, a fancy restaurant (except if someone will treat her for the meal), checked in to a 5-star hotel (except if I force her to agree to let me pay for it) or any place that would make her feel that she is compromising the funds that is allotted to the home (which is practically every single penny she, my dad and the business earns). I hope she will eventually learn to embrace even the idea of quality living because she had already missed out on so much. She deserves to reward herself and let others reward her sometimes.

My mother is many things. She is jealous (in a very cute way), hard to comprehend, strict and a bit too uptight but she over the years of her existence remained honest, modest, generous, loyal, straight, uncompromising of her principles and faithful to God. There are a million things she and I disagree about and I have accepted the fact that we are individuals and we will always be different. Although, one thing’s for sure, I love her with the very best of me but I know it will always be incomparable to the way that she loves me. Until I become a mother myself, I will never love like Roxanne.

I think my mother will never be immune to anything I do with my life. Probably because to her, I will always be that little baby girl that she held in her arms and secretly vowed to protect. I would not want her any other way. In fact, I will be forever grateful that she is what she is and she raised me in the way she did. A large margin of people in the world would say that their mother is the best mother in the world. But what would actually qualify them to be the best? My mother would not be the best in the world because she has her own flaws as a mother and as a person but even so, I would forever be indebted to the one who created her and gave her to me for she will forever be the greatest blessing in my life.

***This part of my soul is dedicated to my wonderful mother, written to honor her on her birthday on November 8.  There will be no one quite like her in my life. Mommy, you are the wind beneath my wings. Happy birthday.***